So Grown Up

Wow. I'm not even sure where to start.  I haven't been able to get into this blog in quite a while and have gotten out of the habit of even writing.  But, somehow, I got into it tonight and feel compelled to write something. But, what?

I loved having this blog when Allie was born. Oh my.. so many moons ago. Our lives have changed so much over the past 10 years it is hard to believe.  This time 10 years ago I was beginning to try to accept that God's plan for me was quite possibly to never be a Mom. I remember really wanting to accept his plan - in between my begging and pleading with Him to reconsider. I was - for a short time - a step-grandmother.  10 years ago I held a tiny baby boy and prayed with him. I felt his angels were still so close to us and would hear me as prayed to one day have my own baby.  For as long as I can remember I had always wanted a boy. I never pictured having a girl, it was always a boy.  So, of course a few months later when we were given one last chance and I found out I was pregnant, I was so thankful and began preparing for my baby boy. Isn't it wonderful how some prayers aren't answered? 

Allie is anything but a little boy. Oh, sure.. there was a time we joked she was as wild as a boy and we called that rambunctious personality Alex. But, she is such a girly girl. She loves dolls and babies more than anything.  She would choose a dress over pants any day of the week. She is not as impressed with hair bows these days  - she is a big 2nd grader, you know. But, there was a time when she wouldn't leave the house without her bow.  

I can't believe what an amazing journey this has been.  She has taught me more about life and myself than I learned in all the years before her. She has taught me all about patience and determination.  She has allowed me to see my faults like I never saw them before and she encourages me to try harder.  She makes me so happy. And so frustrated and so irritated at times, too.  But, almost as if on cue that patience button is hit and I take a moment to breath and I'm not so frustrated anymore.  It's not as easy as it sounds at times, but she really has a funny way about her. She is the most real person I've ever met. She has a joy to life that is unmatched.  She avoids drama (for the most part) and goes at her own pace (note the frustrated moments I spoke about earlier).

You see... for a person that is not as planned and punctual as I wish I were, having a person live with me that moves at a snails pace,  has "squirrel moments" all too often and doesn't understand to "get a move on and speed up" when I shout "hurry" "let's go!" "the bus is HERE!!" can lead to interesting moments. But, at the end of the day I am always right back to the same spot. I find myself looking at her as she sleeps and praying my prayer of thankfulness and some other daily prayers for her and I.

I thank God daily (often multiple times) for this treasure He gave me. For this angel that tests my limits of patience and tests my capacity to hold even more love in my heart (I am sure one day I'll burst due to so much love for her).

To hear her say "I love you, Mommy". Or...oh.. this one will get you.. 'thank you for taking care of me".  She uttered this the morning after she was up sick all night a few nights ago. I inquired how she was feeling and she said better, then she turned and came and gave me a hug and said "thank you for taking care of me." I mean, seriously.. who does this?? 

How did I get so lucky?  Whatever caused it, I sure hope I keep the luck.  I can't even imagine a full day without her. She gives me so much. I pray I give her enough right back.

Okay.. so, there we have it a blog post.. will it be 2 years before another? I hope not!!

 McDonalds with my Girl earlier tonight